It is said that Walt Disney is famous for his marvelous achievements in the animation industry. He is the father of a popular animated character called Mickey Mouse and his inspiring story has lifted a fire in many young people's heart.

Borned in 1901, Disney soon developed his love for drawing and painting. His childhood was full of art and passion. He attended a grammar school called Brenton but then dropped out when he was 16.

Walt Disney has gained various awards and achievements, one of them was creating iconic characters and children animated films such as Mickey Mouse, The Looney Tune series and Snow White and the Seven Drafts. What's more, Snow White and the Seven Drafts was said to be the best movie in the film industry of all times, which made people admire Disney's talent more. He was married with Lillian Bounds for 41 years and they had two daughters, one biological and one adopted. They have helped Disney to overcome many difficulties in life. In 1966, he passed away because of cancer but his successful career and experiences has taught young people many useful life lessons and helped them to find the beauty in art and passion in life.

1. Organization – 8.5/10

• Có bố cục tương đối rõ: mở bài → childhood → achievements → family → death & legacy.
• Tuy nhiên, mạch ý hơi rối ở đoạn achievements: ghép chung giải thưởng, nhân vật, phim, và đánh giá vào một đoạn dài → khó theo dõi.
• Một số ý như They have helped Disney… chuyển hơi đột ngột.

2. Legibility – 9/10

• Dễ đọc, ngắt đoạn hợp lý.
• Nhưng lỗi chính tả (Borned, Drafts) và lỗi viết hoa (people's heart → people’s hearts) làm giảm tính chuyên nghiệp.

3. Ideas – 7.5/10

• Có đầy đủ các phần cơ bản, nhưng nhiều thông tin sai hoặc không đúng facts SGK:
• • Borned → phải là Born.
  • The Looney Tune series không liên quan tới Disney (thuộc Warner Bros).
  • Snow White and the Seven Drafts → sai tên, đúng là Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.
  • SGK ghi 26 Oscars, 3 Golden Globes, 1 Emmy → bài không đề cập số lượng giải thưởng chính xác.
  • Thiếu thông tin về Disneyland/Disney World – một trong những thành tựu quan trọng nhất.

4. Word choice – 7.5/10

• Một số từ hay: marvelous achievements, inspiring story, passion in life.
• Nhưng nhiều chỗ dùng từ chưa chuẩn:
• • lifted a fire → ignited a fire hoặc sparked a passion.
  • children animated films → children’s animated films.
  • of all times → of all time.
  • various awards and achievements → có thể cụ thể hơn (26 Oscars…).

5. Grammar use – 7.5/10

Các lỗi chính:

1. Borned in 1901 → Born in 1901.
2. people's heart → people’s hearts.
3. children animated films → children’s animated films.
4. has gained → dùng quá khứ gained hoặc won, vì ông đã mất.
5. experiences has taught → experiences have taught (sai hòa hợp chủ – vị).
6. one of them was creating iconic characters and children animated films → cấu trúc rườm rà, có thể viết Among them was his creation of iconic characters and children’s animated films.

Điểm tổng

• Organization: 8.5/10
• Legibility: 9/10
• Ideas: 7.5/10
• Word choice: 7.5/10
• Grammar use: 7.5/10
  Tổng = 40/50 → Thang 10: ~8.0/10
  (Nếu yêu cầu bám facts SGK thì Ideas còn ~7/10 → tổng ~7.8/10)

Bản sửa nâng cấp bám facts SGK

Walt Disney is famous for his remarkable achievements in the animation industry. Known as the father of Mickey Mouse, he inspired millions with his creativity and determination.

Born in 1901 in Chicago, Disney developed a love for drawing and painting at an early age. He attended Brenton Grammar School but left at the age of 16 to follow his dream of becoming an artist.

Over his career, he created beloved characters such as Mickey Mouse, Donald Duck, and Goofy, and produced the first full-length animated feature, Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs. The film was a groundbreaking success and brought him worldwide fame. He won 26 Oscars, 3 Golden Globe Awards, and 1 Emmy Award — a record in film history. Apart from making films, he founded Disneyland and later conceived Disney World, theme parks that continue to attract millions of visitors every year.

Disney had three older brothers and one younger sister. He married Lillian Bounds, and they had two daughters, one biological and one adopted.

He died in 1966 at the age of 65 from cancer. Today, The Walt Disney Studios continues to produce world-class films, carrying forward his legacy of imagination and passion.