Walt Disney is famous around the world for his work in animation or cartoon, his creating of many iconic characters such as Mickey Mouse, Donald Duck and Goofy, and the establishment of one of the world's famous themes park, Disneyland.
Walt Disney was born in Chicago, USA. He developed an early interest in arts in his young age. He attended Brenton Grammar School but he decided to drop out school to enlist into the army but later got rejected for being too young.
Throughout his career, he has made many works on his animation like Mickey Mouse and Snow White and the seven dwarfs which made his company successful as today. In addition, he has won 26 Oscars, three Golden Globe Awards and an Emmy Award. Furthermore, he is also known for building the Disneyland, bringing his cartoon characters to real life and spread happiness to children around the world.
Walt Disney had 4 siblings and he was married to the love of his life, Lillian Bounds. They were together for 41 years and had 2 children, one is adopted daughter and other is their biological child.
Unfortunately, he passed away at the age of 65 in 1966 due to lung cancer. His company still continues to honor his legacy, making more animated and live-action such as Lion King or Zootopia. These work still inspires many people of all ages to follow their dream and have a happy childhood like Walt Disney used to do when he was alive.

1. Organization – 8.5/10

• Có đủ bố cục: mở bài → childhood/education → achievements → family → death & legacy.
• Một số ý lặp hoặc sắp xếp chưa gọn: phần achievements nhắc Mickey Mouse và Snow White 2 lần (mở bài & thân bài).
• Chuyển ý chưa thật mượt, ví dụ từ phần giải thưởng sang Disneyland có thể dùng cụm nối hợp lý hơn (Moreover, Apart from his films…).

2. Legibility – 9/10

• Dễ đọc, có xuống dòng rõ ràng.
• Tuy nhiên, nhiều câu dài mà thiếu dấu phẩy tách ý, khiến hơi khó theo dõi.

3. Ideas – 8/10

• Có hầu hết thông tin chính: nơi sinh, học vấn, sự nghiệp, giải thưởng, gia đình, cái chết, di sản.
• Một số chi tiết không đúng hoặc ngoài facts SGK:
• • 4 siblings → SGK ghi three older brothers and one younger sister.
  • dropped out school to enlist into the army → chi tiết này không có trong SGK.
  • The Lion King và Zootopia ra sau khi ông mất → không phải sản phẩm ông trực tiếp làm.
• Nếu yêu cầu “viết theo facts SGK” thì phần này sẽ bị trừ điểm nhiều.

4. Word choice – 7.5/10

• Một số cụm từ dùng chưa chuẩn:
• • animation or cartoon → nên chọn một, hoặc viết animation and cartoons.
  • his creating of many iconic characters → for creating many iconic characters.
  • themes park → theme parks.
  • in his young age → at a young age.
  • works on his animation like Mickey Mouse and Snow White → animated works such as….
  • These work still inspires → These works still inspire.
• Một số từ lặp (many, also, still) → nên thay bằng từ đồng nghĩa.

5. Grammar use – 7.5/10

Các lỗi cụ thể:

1. the establishment of one of the world's famous themes park → the establishment of one of the world’s most famous theme parks.
2. drop out school → drop out of school.
3. has made many works on his animation like Mickey Mouse and Snow White and the seven dwarfs which made his company successful as today → sai hòa hợp thì & thiếu mạch lạc → made many animated works such as… which helped his company become as successful as it is today.
4. the Disneyland → bỏ the.
5. bringing his cartoon characters to real life and spread happiness → bringing… to life and spreading happiness.
6. one is adopted daughter and other is their biological child → one was an adopted daughter and the other was their biological child.
7. These work still inspires → These works still inspire.

Điểm tổng

• Organization: 8.5/10
• Legibility: 9/10
• Ideas: 8/10
• Word choice: 7.5/10
• Grammar use: 7.5/10
  Tổng = 40.5/50 → Thang 10: ~8.1/10
  (Nếu yêu cầu bám facts SGK, Ideas sẽ chỉ ~7/10 → tổng ~7.6/10)

Bản nâng cấp bám facts SGK và sửa lỗi

Walt Disney is famous around the world for creating many iconic characters such as Mickey Mouse, Donald Duck, and Goofy, and for founding one of the world’s most famous theme parks, Disneyland.
He was born in 1901 in Chicago, USA, and developed a love for drawing and painting at a young age. He attended Brenton Grammar School but left at the age of 16 to follow his dream of becoming an artist.
Throughout his career, he produced groundbreaking animated works such as Mickey Mouse and Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs, which brought him worldwide fame and success. He won 26 Oscars, three Golden Globe Awards, and one Emmy Award. In addition to making films, he founded Disneyland, bringing his characters to life and creating a magical place that continues to attract millions of visitors each year.
Disney had three older brothers and one younger sister. He married Lillian Bounds, and they had two daughters, one biological and one adopted.
He died in 1966 at the age of 65 from cancer. Today, The Walt Disney Studios continues to produce world-class animated films, keeping his legacy alive and inspiring generations to follow their dreams.